Why accepting free stuff is so hard

Have you ever gone out for coffee with a friend and had that awkward moment at the till which goes a little something like this:

The friend - “I’ll get it”

Me – “no, it’s OK I can pay for mine”

Friend – “no, I insist. I don’t mind”

Me – “are you sure?” (hasn’t put wallet away yet)

Friend – “I’m sure. Go find us a table”

Me – “OK, I’ll get it next time”

I told you it was hard to accept free stuff, and you didn’t believe me, did you! In our relationships we feel most comfortable when we are equal to the other party. We don’t want to be the charity case who everyone is always helping along. If someone does something nice for us we feel guilty until we have returned the favour.

Jesus told a story about a Pharisee and a tax collector. The Pharisee lists off a whole lot of things he has done for God; he fasts, he tithes, he doesn’t cheat. He believes that he and God are tight because God does good things for him and then he returns the favour. But the tax collector just breaks down in fear and sorrow before God; he is worried because He knows that God is holy and good and he is bad. There is no way he could start to even up the relationship and so he cries out for God to have mercy on him. And God justifies him (makes the tax collector right/perfect in His eyes). 

As Christians we know that we should be like the tax collector because in the end he is the one that God approves of. But we don’t really want to be the tax collector because deep down you and I actually act like the Pharisee! And how can I make such a bold claim? Well, when someone buys us a coffee we fight that free gift. We want to be able to contribute something towards it. We can’t just take it for what it is. And we treat our relationship with God in the same way. His unconditional embrace of us sinners seems like an offer that is too good to be true. So we fight it, always wanting to give something back, and feeling guilty when we fail. But God does not need anything from us, least of all our filthy good works. He freely gives us all His good works and they are enough. 

So when you are feeling down because you failed yet again to make yourself acceptable in God’s eyes, be comforted that your relationship with God is 0% dependent on your contribution and you are 100% acceptable to God because of Jesus Christ. So relax! Rest in this good news and savour it’s sweetness like free cup of coffee.

Don't worry, be happy (or else)

From the November 2010 issue of Australian Vogue:

In the article “Happiness is overrated” writer Elizabeth Heathcote comments on positive thinking “My beef is less with the details of positive psychology and more with the way it functions. By lending academic credence to the idea that we can be better, shinier and happier if we just try, it has turned happiness into not only something we should expect, but yet another must-have commodity that you are failing if you don’t achieve”.

Happiness is a gift, a result of something good that has happened to us. We cannot manufacture it. It is pure gospel – something that is a result of something happening to us. When we try to turn it into law – something we must do, “don’t worry, be happy”, then we miss out on it.

Can I hear an Ephesians 2:8-10 out there people?

“For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God, not a result of works, so that no one may boast. For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them.”

I have Mantrol Issues

I did a lot of driving on the motorway last weekend and I saw quite a few policemen on the road. One thing I always notice with myself and other drivers is how everyone's speed drops by about 10km/hr at the sight of a police car. The sight of the law convicts us.

But what’s more interesting to me are people’s reactions to the amount of Police presence on our roads. Whenever there is a news item about speed cameras or Police check points, reporters always seem to be able to find someone who says “What a waste of taxpayer’s money. Why aren’t the Police going after real criminals?” It is easy to downplay our sin when it doesn't seem to hurt anyone.  "I'm in a bit of rush, why won't this guy get out of my way, I'll just overtake him, it's only a single yellow line."  But who knows when our next "little" offense will be ours (or someone else's) last?   In 2010 over 300 people died on New Zealand roads.  Many of the road deaths were caused by overall good citizens who in one crucial moment choose to be careless and break the law with devastating consequences.  Hence the Police concern about the issue. 

God’s standard for measuring our goodness is infinitely higher than our own. Jesus commands us to “Love our neighbour as ourselves”. If I truly loved my neighbour I would follow the 2 second rule, I would keep to the speed limit, I would drive to the conditions, I would not allow myself to be distracted by my mobile phone etc, etc, etc. But my actions show that I do not love my neighbour as I should, rather I love to rush when I am late and many times I feel like I am the most important car on the road. 

The Police will not forgive me for my traffic offenses (and rightly so.) I'll have to pay the fine,  but my offenses against God are much greater, with a fine too great for me to pay.  Its such good news that someone else has already paid this fine for me and I am no longer under Gods condemnation. “There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. For the law of the Spirit of life has set you free in Christ Jesus from the law of sin and death. For God has done what the law, weakened by the flesh, could not do. By sending his own Son in the likeness of sinful flesh and for sin, he condemned sin in the flesh, in order that the righteous requirement of the law might be fulfilled in us, who walk not according to the flesh but according to the Spirit.” (Romans 8:1-4)

For another article on the effect of the law on our behaviour: Steeler's James Harrison and the Law

I ain't that fit and my gosh don't I know it

I walk past a sign outside a personal trainer’s offices on my way to and from school. The sign reads 

“Choice, not circumstances, determine your success”

I think the sign sums up exactly what I call the “law of physical fitness”. All the authorities on the law of physical fitness tell us that if we work hard to be fit and eat the right food then we will reap the rewards: more energy, longer life and rock hard abs. There is no good news for the person who does not keep the law of regular exercise and a healthy diet; who hasn't watched The Biggest Loser?

Perhaps surprisingly for some, the Bible talks very little about caring for our physical bodies. Probably because at the time of the Bible’s writing fast food wasn’t available and everyone did a full 12+ hours a day in the fields trying to grow their daily bread. What the Bible does talk about is the condition of our hearts, not the beating red one, but the essence of who we are. 

As Christians living in a world that glorifies both McDonalds and super skinny models it is hard to resist the idolatry of being obsessed with appearance. We need to keep in mind that the fittest athlete in the world today may have gained the world but he will die when he least expects it. The only good news for all you athletes, slobs, anorexics, yoyo dieters, and healthy average Joe’s is that Jesus died for ALL of your sins including gluttony, laziness and self obsession. His death on your behalf means that when you die God will give you eternal life with Him in a perfect resurrected body that will never again struggle with the idolatry of outward appearance. 

In Christ alone will you daily find the security to say with Him “Therefore do not be anxious, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' For the Gentiles seek after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them all. But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.” (Matt 6:31-33)

Halloween nightmare

I love fancy dress parties. They are so fun! Seeing each person as they come in completely transformed and sometimes unrecognizable is so exciting. So when we received an invitation to a 70’s and 80’s party at a friend’s church I started planning our outfits. I was thinking classic 80’s for myself; tapered pants, loose white blouse tucked in, teased hair, loads of makeup. My ideas for the Hub were a little more over the top; he could grow a mustache, wear a Hawaiian shirt and channel Magnum P.I. Or I could half cut his hair mullet style, or he could sling a gun or two over his shoulders and be Chuck Norris… OK I’m getting carried away, you get the idea.

So I presented my ideas to him thinking that he would be thrilled. Well the reception was less than enthusiastic and I threw a minor tantrum. Don’t fret, we worked it out and I reconciled myself to his outfit: a Pac-man tee (and pants). But the whole thing left a sour note in my mouth, why was I so upset about such a small thing?

Tim Keller has taught me to look behind every sin for the idol lurking in the background. When I looked behind my disappointment with my husband I found an idol alright; the idol of coolness. I realized that part of the reason why I like going all out for fancy dress parties is so that people will think “wow, I wish I could be as bold as her, she is so cool”. And so I was frustrated with my hub because he was not allowing me to fulfill that desire. Lame huh.

James tells us that quarrels and fighting come from the evil desires at war within us . The solution he gives us is to humble ourselves before God. That is to realize that we desire lame things like being cool more than God and those closest to us and that God has every right to punish us for that. 

But that’s not the end of the story. When we humble ourselves James promises that God will exalt us. How will He do this? He already has through Jesus Christ! By believing that Jesus died for us on the cross we receive His righteousness and that is always pleasing to God. It is only the love of the true God for us that will crush our idols. Amen!

I need a day off...

Tim Keller is right when he says that work is an idol and I gave into that sin big time this week. Give me one tight deadline and everything else goes out the window, and I noticed this time that what suffered most of all was my relationship with my little girl. Her best friend last week was Mr. TV and though I felt like the baddest mum in the world I didn’t quit working, I just didn’t like it. 

It got me thinking about idols. The Israelites gave up on their gracious God, the one true God who is full of mercy and compassion to run off with the false gods of the nations around them. Why did they do it? I always assumed it was only because these gods promised them great things, similar to the promises work has for me: money, independence and creative expression. That would have been the start of things for sure but when you mess with idols you get burned. The Israelites found themselves trapped by idols that demanded the lives of their children and other horrible things. They didn’t like it but they had to stay there for fear of what the false god might do. To a lesser extent I found myself sacrificing the good of my child to worship my work for fear of losing my job and everything that comes with it (see above). I realized that idolatry is not always something we do because we enjoy it but we do it because we feel we HAVE to do it (or else).

So what is the solution for me? Surely it isn’t to tell me to stop working and be a good mum, I have already failed at that. Instead it is to tell me about the only God who rescues me from my idolatry, the God who came to earth to die for my idolatry on the cross. His name is Jesus Christ. When I look at the cross I see how selfish I am and how much Jesus suffered for me. The Holy Spirit reminds me of the cross to (slowly) change my heart from serving work to serving Jesus and my family. “For what great nation has a god as near to them as the Lord our God is near to us when we call on him?” (Deut 4:7).

Santa truely satisfies

I heard a great soundbite by Nick Lannon the other day about the way we celebrate special holidays.  He said that at  Halloween everyone dresses up as evil beings and gets given candy! While at Christmas Santa is keeping a list and checking it twice. If you’ve been a naughty boy or girl Santa knows about it and no presents for you! Just a lump of coal. In this way Halloween is now more of a Christian festival than Christmas he said. This is because the God of the Bible is all about freely giving “candy” (forgiveness of sins) to evil people who don’t deserve it. We don’t get forgiveness from God because we have met some kind of standard (like Santa’s list) but because He wants to give it to us. And He has through Jesus’ life, death and resurrection for us.

All this talk of Christmas and Santa got me thinking about Christmases when I was a kid. I wasn’t a very good child and if Santa had kept his word then I would have received a lump of coal every Christmas. But you know what? I never got one. I always received presents! 

So I must disagree with you Nick, Santa is a good picture of Christianity. All the naughty children out there are threatened with the law but it cannot change their behaviour. All it can do is show them how far they fall short of Santa’s standard. But on Christmas Eve, all their sins are forgiven because of Santa’s great mercy and they receive what they don’t deserve – presents!

“Why, then, was the law given? It was given alongside the promise to show people their sins. But the law was designed to last only until the coming of the child who was promised. God gave his law through angels to Moses, who was the mediator between God and the people. Now a mediator is helpful if more than one party must reach an agreement. But God, who is one, did not use a mediator when he gave his promise to Abraham.

Is there a conflict, then, between God’s law and God’s promises? Absolutely not! If the law could give us new life, we could be made right with God by obeying it. But the Scriptures declare that we are all prisoners of sin, so we receive God’s promise of freedom only by believing in Jesus Christ.” Galatians 3:19-22